Archive | February 2013

I lived through it

I cannot believe it is only three days past the day I had surgery. I had my surgery on February 7th at 6am, and it is not February 10th at 11:14pm. Deliver me Lord Jesus from all this Pain!! I never thought I could live through this much pain and still be a little sane.

I am hurting to badly tonight I am not making any sense. God help me!!

I know He will….He has too.


The Weekend before the BIG Surgery

To most people, this is the weekend of the Super Bowl 2013. But to me, it’s the weekend before my biggest surgery, and one I guess I dread more than any other I have ever had to date. I go in February 7th, 6am, Redmond Medical Hospital, Rome, GA to have both of my breasts removed because of breast cancer. There, I said it. CANCER has attacked me, again. After Twenty ‘blame’ years CANCER has come back in my left breast with a blooming vengeance. The reason I am having both removed is a two-fold answer. One reason is the doctor thinks the cancer will attack the other breast in time and I want two breasts that match, so I am having reconstruction surgery.

I was always good about having my yearly mammograms. The end of the year I would get the little card that said, “It is time for you to call and make your yearly appointment.” I did! Every year about the same time I would go and have my boobs put in the vice-grip I know a man had to invent, because a woman would NOT have done this to another woman. A man would not go yearly and have his ‘manly parts’ smashed to see if he had cancer. I assure you my husband wouldn’t. I could talk about having a mammogram and he would grab himself and get this pained look on his face. Several times I could not help but laugh in his face over his expressions. (And I won’t even tell you what he said, or how he acted, when I told him about my needle biopsy of my breast! I thought he would pass out!)

So many people have been by to pray with me, and I have gotten cards, flowers, phone calls, e-mails, texts, and people’s prayers. I know I am one blessed woman to have all this love and support around me.

Today, I made sure I got my funeral directive to the Funeral Home who will handle my service. I got two people to witness my Living Will signed. I have a copy for all the people who will be my agents. I have my Last Will and Testament completed. Deloris Riddle will be my executrix.

I am not afraid to die! I am afraid to live in a vegetative state, in a coma, or have a stroke where I cannot take care of myself. If the doctor finds cancer in my lymph system, he will not do the reconstructive surgery. They will staple me up. I will not go through radiation and chemo to try to kill all the cancer in my body if it is all over me. I will die with dignity.  What little time I have left, I will live! I am in God’s hands!! None of this is up to me, it is all up to the master of the universe. He is the one who hung the stars. He is the one who knows the number of hairs on my head. He is the one who knew, before I was born, what I would go through, and He knew I would not turn my back on HIM now! He is my Rock and my Redeemer. He is my Healer and my Friend. He will either heal me on this side of Glory or take me there to heal me. Either way, I am okay!

Don’t grieve for me, if I go on Thursday. Just have a smile that I went out with a big old smile on my face. I slid into heaven, side-ways, shouting “Mercy sakes I had a good time and whew was that a ride!”

I want to see you up there too. Make your arrangements to come, if you haven’t already. Jesus is the only way!

Always, and then some…db