Since I had to go pay a $175 speeding ticket yesterday, in Cherokee County, I thought today I would get something accomplished. How was I to know this would be so utterly wrong?
I was supposed to go out to Wally-World and buy Christmas gifts. Didn’t happen!! I needed to work on my quilts for the kids. Didn’t happen!! All I got to do was wash and dry two loads of clothes. Yeah!! The maid is coming tomorrow!
After going to see the spine doctor yesterday afternoon, I was told (as if I didn’t already know) I have the worst case of spinal stenosis she had ever known. She asked me how I walked for the obvious pain I must feel. When I got up off the chair, to walk across the floor, my knee sounds like a rifle shot. She said, ‘well that has to hurt!’
I do honestly believe, if a doctor told me I had to take chemo again, I would just have to say, “NOT NO, But NO to the MAX”!! That mess ruined me! I am in PAIN with neuropathy to the point of constant pain and I can’t take anything for it because of my heart, which it also destroyed. I stand up, and I have to wait until my feet get feeling in them, so I can stand to walk, it hurts so bad. Then the spinal stenosis begins. Then the arthritis in every joint. Then comes the fibromyalgia. And it goes on and on!! But Lord, at Least I am above ground and some family members doesn’t like me to tell how bad it is. They think I am asking for sympathy!! For the Love of all that is good and decent….there is nothing in this world farther from the truth!! I don’t want anyone’s sympathy!!! I would like a pinch of UNDERSTANDING when I tell someone I can’t go shopping all day, or I can’t sit in a movie theater, then get up and walk out without holding on to them, afraid I am going to fall embarrassing them.
The doctor I am going to see tomorrow at 10:30am will be doing a test on my feet to see how much damage the nerves have been subjected. If there is no help, then I will find a way to live with it.
I will live with it, no matter what. I just hope I will not have to live with such pain for the rest of my life.
Losing 120 pounds wouldn’t hurt either.